Illuminator-Pt.2 Ch.4 - Why I like the book

"For a moment he was violently angry. During the month that he had known her the nature of his desire for her had changed. At the beginning there had been little true sensuality in it. Their first love-making had been simply an act of the will. But after the second time it was different. The smell of her hair, the taste of her mouth, the feeling of her skin seemed to have got inside him, or into the air all round him. She had become a physical necessity, something that he not only wanted but felt that he had a right to. When she said that she could not come, he had the feeling that she was cheating him. But just at this moment the crowd pressed them together and their hands accidentally met. She gave the tips of his fingers a quick squeeze that seemed to invite not desire but affection. It struck him that when one lived with a woman this particular disappointment must be a normal, recurring event; and a deep tenderness, such as he had not felt for her before, suddenly took hold of him. He wished that they were a married couple of ten years' standing. He wished that he were walking through the streets with her just as they were doing now but openly and without fear, talking of trivialities and buying odds and ends for the household. He wished above all that they had some place where they could be alone together without feeling the obligation to make love every time they met. "

Although I'm not done with the book, this is already one of my favorite passages, if not my favorite. In this excerpt, Winston becomes angry because Julia cancels their next meeting since they can't have sex, since it's her time of the month. However, Winston isn't angry because he desperately want to sleep with her again, but because he desperately wants to be with her. Over the course of time that he has known her, he's began to fall in love with her. He felt that she became a necessity to him, and his need for her was that of affection, not desire. He started to become jealous, suspecting that she might be cheating on him, which contradicts his former opinion, because he claimed that the more men she slept with, the more he would love her, because it was the corruption that attracted her to him at first. However, he desires to be married to her, wishing they could openly walk through the streets together, acting as a normal couple of 10 years marriage would act. "He wished above all that they had some place where they could be alone together without feeling the obligation to make love every time they met."