Illuminator- Pt.1 Ch.2 - Protagonist conflict #1

"Curiously, the chiming of the hour seemed to have put new heart into him. He was a lonely ghost uttering a truth that nobody would ever hear. But so long as he uttered it, in some obscure way the continuity was not broken. It was not by making yourself heard but by staying sane that you carried on the human heritage. He went back to the table, dipped his pen, and wrote:

To the future or to the past, to a time when thought is free, when men are different from one another and do not live alone — to a time when truth exists and what is done cannot be undone: From the age of uniformity, from the age of solitude, from the age of Big Brother, from the age of doublethink - greetings !

He was already dead, he reflected. It seemed to him that it was only now, when he had begun to be able to formulate his thoughts, that he had taken the decisive step. The consequences of every act are included in the act itself. He wrote:

Thoughtcrime does not entail death: thoughtcrime IS death.

Now he had recognized himself as a dead man it became important to stay alive as long as possible."

This passage has importance because it shows what's going on in Winston's head as he's writing in his diary; what's the purpose, and what are the consequences? He's unsure about who's he's writing for: the future or for the past. But he's sure that he's writing to a time that's different than the time he's living in. He's writing to a time with the right to free speech, free actions, and a right to live. He's writing to a time when people are different from one another, diverse, and don't live in solitude. He's writing to a time when truth exists, as a person living in an era of solitude, when the government dictates what you should think and how you should live.

However, writing this, he knows that he just committed a crime, a thoughtcrime to be exact. He knows he will eventually be found out, and the Thought police will capture him, and vaporize him, basically cleaning out all evidence that shows Winston has been alive. Now that he's sure of his eminent future, all that's "important is to stay alive as long as possible."